Mellow Morning

Today marks 2 weeks of no binges.  I've stayed on my meal plan except for one day out of the past 14 where I didn't eat.  For some reason I don't feel it's that much of an accomplishment, but I think I should keep in mind where I 've been in the past and even the recent past with food.  I don't see any progress physique-wise, but I'm guessing it's because of the BDD.  I don't know though, I really don't see a change.  I'm excited to see my nutritionist tomorrow-- it will be helpful to hear what she has to say about my progress.

I'm beginning to wonder if it will get easier to eat this way as time goes by or if it will always be difficult to control myself with food.  I wonder if I'll ever not have the debate in my head of whether to eat or not eat at all or whether to go into a binge.  And that's not even counting times when I'm maybe not being as mindful.  Right now I think the only thing I can do is to be cognizant about what I'm doing with food, and perhaps it will someday become second nature.  One thing that has been helping me is to think about eating in terms of pure nourishment, nothing more and nothing less.  This way, it makes no sense not to eat, but it also seems ridiculous to even want to eat empty calories and foods that have no nutritional value or are 'bad for health.'  I see the way I approach food slightly change when I think about food in this context.

"Thou shall eat to live, not live to eat."

- Ben Franklin