I Hate This

I'm feeling so crappy today for no apparent reason.  Well, my brother left early this morning to go to a friend's wedding in LA, so maybe that has something to do with it.  But he's getting back really soon, early next week.  So I don't know why my outlook is so bleak, probably his leaving is a contributing factor, just because it does kind of stir the water in terms of time moving forward.  And that always unsettles me even if I don't recognize it fully.

So what to do.  I don't want to rough it through the rest of the day feeling like shit.  It's so pointless, and I've experienced it so many times.  I think maybe I need to go do something, but I don't know what to do.  I was thinking of shopping, but that sometimes leaves me feeling very empty, because when it's done to fill a void inside it often backfires and just leaves me feeling worse.  I also had the thought to go to Barnes & Noble and get a new book from the ED section, one that is uplifting as opposed to depressing.  But they're hard to find and I don't know if they even have anything new there.  It couldn't hurt to just go take a look, and then if I do find something it would just be all the better.  Ugh, I barely have motivation to get up and leave the house, I really feel so gloomy.  It's annoying because I can see that I'm just going to sit here...

Okay my brother actually just called to say that his plane landed.  That lifted my a little bit out of my pity party that has been evolving throughout today.  Maybe I should just go shopping- I could get something to wear tomorrow.  Even though I can never really get anything anymore except for sweatpants and t-shirts.  How sad, this is truly pathetic.  I'm getting so irritated with myself...maybe I should just go to the movies, just so that I can stop thinking for even an hour or two.  Wouldn't that be nice.