A Long Way to Go

It's hard to stay committed to yourself, even when you want more than anything to overcome issues and better your own life.  It gets difficult to stay motivated after a few weeks of making an effort to change old habits, especially with food.  I'm currently struggling to avoid both not bingeing and starving.  I've been following my nutritionist's plan but it is getting challenging.  I'm worried that I'll have a relapse, and if I do I'm not quite sure how I'll react to it.  If I do relapse, I have to be able to deal with it and move on.  I just want to get my ED problems out of my life, they interfere with everything I do.  I hope that I am losing weight, even though I feel like I'm gaining weight.  My nutritionist has assured me that I will lose weight with what I'm eating, but I have a hard time even believing her.  There's no way she's lying, I mean, why would she do that?  She's specialized to deal with people with EDs, so I'm sure she understands the importance of not lying to me about where my weight is going.  Ugh, I just have to get through a few weeks of this and adjust to this new way of eating.  No more bingeing, no more starving.  I have to start finding ways to actually deal with life, and to deal with my emotions.  It's not going to be easy, but it will be much more difficult not to deal with any of this and to end up either dying of starvation or 350lbs and a prisoner in my own home.  I have to at least try to maintain a positive attitude, and on days like today when I feel depressed, I have to remember that the day will end and that it will help nothing to deal with problems by abusing food.  I have to remember that it will only make things worse to turn to food, and that by not using food, I'll actually be doing something to help whatever issues I'm having be solved faster.  The most constructive thing I can always do is to always maintain my own recovery.